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Review:TwilightPrincess says:
I love this. I do.

Before I start gushing, I'm going to try and control myself. Please bear with me. I have a lot of things to say, both on the critical side and on the positive one. I'm going to go in chronological order.

When I met Lia Corner, she was an amusing toy to everyone. Brilliant line. It's a simple sentence, which I think is very effective to use as an opening line, and I also adore the use of the word 'toy' here. It's an interesting choice of words and I am intrigued - I want to read on to figure out why you called her a toy. Great job.

Actually, she was always on her own, never in the company of anyone else. I could have done without the second clause in this sentence, because it was incredibly redundant. While it's a nicely worded clause, it didn't have its place here because you already stated rather plainly that she 'was always on her own' and you didn't need anything else. I also think the second clause was written in a much more formal tone that would be seen in third-person writing, and I didn't feel like it flowed.

Mistake: Don't worry - I wasn't ever one of those who conceited kids who jinxed kids in the hallways for fun. Omit the first 'who' but I'm sure you knew that already =)

tiny 'ole Flitwick The use of this apostrophe baffles me. What letter are you missing that you're holding the place with the apostrophe? Hole? XD If you're using the word 'old' the proper place for the apostrophe is after the l. tiny ol' Flitwick because you are not acknowledging the d.

Al tried to dye his red hair black because he was paranoid about not being a real Potter man. I really like that you inserted this into the story at the bit where James was talking about his hair. First of all, it was very smoothly done and I'm impressed that you could add this little tidbit without it feeling choppy and random. Also, it shows a lot about Albus's character. While he's not really the main character, it adds a lot of depth and reality to the story. Great job.

happiness in her that makes my heart acellerate Accelerate.

I rock her back and forth as her shoulders heave with her absent sobs. For some reason, the word 'absent' here gave me chills. That is the perfect word. I understand how difficult it can be to express everything you want to into one word, and I applaud you for your efforts. This is a heart-wrenching line because you found the right word.

I'm sorry to say the ending was lost on me the first time I read it because of this line: Because she knows why her. At first, I thought she meant 'Why do I have this disability?' and only on the fourth time of reading that line did I understand she meant 'Why did you choose me?' It's not your fault. It's mine.

I am very impressed with the fact that you covered so much time. You went from the first time they saw each other to the moment of their wedding in a little one-shot, and it didn't feel rushed or anything. You said just enough to keep me interested and knowing what's going on. Great job. Also, about James's character... I felt that you were very true to him. He felt very honest and that is key in a first-person piece. Little things like when he imagined what his wife would be like and he didn't imagine her to be mute... that was brilliant. It showed that yes, he had thought about his perfect image and for a few seconds he wasn't sure if Lia was who he wanted. Brilliant.

It's interesting that you had me read this because I have watched a Japanese drama where the girl is deaf and they have to communicate in sign language. It was actually my favorite drama I've watched to date (and I've seen a fair few, believe me.) This piece made me feel the same emotions I felt during that twelve-episode drama. That is truly remarkable.

You are a gifted writer. I urge you to pursue your ability in original fiction.

Ganbare! Tanoshinde ^_^

.:.Ilia.:.

Author's Response: Ack! Ilia, thank you so much for pointing out my mistakes! Geez, how could I miss those! xD

I will go back and fix them right away!

Thank you for the lovely, long review! It was so nice to see and this was the exact kind of CC I was looking for. Thank you so much! And i hope to see you back for the novel. :D

You're like my hero, dear. You are. You give me so much inspiration, and I'm truly honored that you support me in my career. I support yours as well. I know you'll be some kind of famous some day.

ILY!

xx.
Drue


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