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Review:Max says:
Overall a good story. The only error I saw was M1897 shotgun it is generally referred to as the M1897 trench gun. However, it is understandable to have it as shotgun as trench gun is an odd firearm term.

I do like this story. The plot is interesting but with so few chapters it is hard to understand. I will continue to read this once you post chapter 10 so that the story will feel more complete and understandable. I do understand that this story is in medias res but it seems to assume to that the reader already knows certain things. I also understand that you are working to explain these with out giving to much away. If you look at Star Wars IV it may be in medias res but it is at the beginning of a new story. Still a great job.

More from the watch in the next chapters as they are much more interesting then the boring politicians. Hopefully you will also explain where Harry Potter himself sits in this soon as well. I am waiting to see how Dune (I have only read the first in that series) influences this.

Great job,
Max

Author's Response: Hehe, I feel embarrassed for that mistake, but it seemed that you have defended the story for me, so thanks for that! Come to think of it, shotgun does seem more colloquial than trench gun.

I understand how you can find the story confusing. Unfortunately, waiting till chapter 10 won't really help. It is an introduction and all, but the greater revelation will come in chapters after. The first 10 chapters serve as an introduction to the world, the characters, the politics...but it will not be the info dump that you may expect. Part of the style I'm trying to experiment with is the indirect mystery. The mystery is not in the plot (aka the whodunnit) but more of the characters and the development itself. I guess you could compare it to a slow drip of medicine. It's not all in one big shabang, slowly it enters your system and it leaves you time to adjust to the effects. I didn't want to make the introduction simply one chapter and go on with it as it would seem like I just wanted to get things out of the way and get to the parts that were really exciting. I don't assume that the reader knows things. Rather, I challenge him/her to work it out, think on it, speculate. It makes the reading more interactive...a dialogue between the reader and the writer. Its not just me giving you information. Its you thinking about what this information means. It's a process. And an experiment. However, I really do, sincerely and utterly appreciate you pointing that out to me. The style is new to me, and so points for improvement are definitely inevitable and a godsend. I wouldn't want to be writing the whole thing badly now would I XD

I'm working on the new chapter right now and it is about the Watch...well about Toren and Clara in the Vampire encampment XD Hopefully it will excite! All will be revealed in time. But I promise you, there is a reason why this happened, it it has something to do with the philosophies in Dune!

Thanks again for the review! Great to know you liked it!


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