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Review:harrylilyjames says:
Hey!
The first thing that grabbed my attention, probably because it was the first sentence, which was 'though' instead of 'through'.
Your tenses seem slightly mixed up, instead of "The day had been promising, starting with a cloudless sky and bright warm sun..."- it sounds as if your missing a word or two, rewrite it like 'The day had been promising, it started with a cloudless sky and bright warm sun..."
At the beginning you might want to cut down the description of the weather, I feel like you over-descibed it too much. I do this all the time too, I get carries away with what I'm saying. Might want to cut it down to a big paragraph.
I would of thought Lily had more control of her emotions because of living around Petunia and having Snape as a friend.
You started to repeat how her feelings changed from love to hate when she hit the curse at James, along with some other stuff.
"hours" to sit in someone's arms or to just hold someone is a very long time.
There were a few typos in places, like 'out' instead of 'our' and extra words, just simple things like that, a re-read would catch them.
But the relationship between the two was written well, I can understand where the two of them are coming from and it could of happened in their seventh year. It might be just me, but I can't see Lily crying so much, she might shed a tear but then shake herself out of it and be angry with herself or James [yet, you don't have to listen to me, this is just my opinion]
7/10

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I\\\'ll take into account everything that you said (especially the grammar - God knows I need to do something about it lol) Yep, I thought the description was really long too so I might cut it down.
Thanks for the help! :)
x

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