Wow. Absolutely stunning. Just... beautiful.
Do I like it? Haha, silly question! YES! I think I actually like this more than Saviour... and that's saying a lot! :D
I love the way everything they say has this underlying concept, something the audience has to figure out for themselves. Not only that, but the opennes of such a concept allows for this to be different for everyone, for each person to relate to something of their own experience, to draw what they will from what you want to portray. I hope that makes sense.
I think the first person, present tense worked very well for you. It put me there, in the moment, and I really felt like it gave me a better understanding of the character and how she felt, even though we never really find out exactly what happened.
"Of all the things he has seen, and all the people he has known, somehow I want to be the most important." -- I absolutely ADORE this line. I think Tori was really well characterized... she has this need and is reckless about achieving it... it makes her endearing because I've certainly been there and done that... and then got rebuffed in the same way. She's someone that the audience, whether or not they've been in the same situation, can really relate to and she's very well written.
Also, the last line was so sweet. Not only does it completely back up your characterization of Sirius (which was phenomenal, by the way, completely what I would expect of him... he gives a little, tries to keep to himself, and then does what he knows is right), it leaves us with that all around metaphorical, advice-like statement that will pop up sometime later in life. It has a certain impact and really wraps the story up quite nicely.
Absolutely fantastic piece, hun! It's going on my favorites list :] I hope that everything I said made sense... my brain's kind of on holiday at the moment ;]
Keep up the great work!!
Author's Response: Hey Jill, glad you stopped by. I always love your long, raving reviews. I am completely undeserving. :P
I hope this will tide you over in the crazy-but-still-relatable-female-character department until I get my Saviour muse back. Padfoot [my muse] has decided to go on a prolonged vacation and I can\\\'t contact him. =[
I\\\'m happy the underlying concept - and Tori\\\'s problem - is relatable to everyone. I do relate Tori to myself and what I see in others. There\\\'s a little of her walking around with me every day. That\\\'s getting kind of personal, but what the hey - you\\\'re my cyber buddy, right? haha, wow I\\\'m a dork.
Anyway, I thought it would be interesting to do the \\\"youth is wasted on the young\\\" theme from a younger character who thinks she wasted her prime being inadequate instead of the traditional old-wishing-to-be-young. That easily works for Sirius, but it\\\'s too expected. I like the unexpected. :D I figured having him play the father-figure role fit better to lift him from his grief.
Thanks for the review, hon, and I\\\'m glad you\\\'re not tired of my stories yet! I saw Public Enemies 2 days ago, and now I have a gangster story a-brewin\\\'. ;)
Haha, I wish review responses counted towards my JulNo.
PS. Grr..why do my apostrophes keep turning up with ///? Even when I try to edit...