heya, here from the forums with the review you requested :)
I am most definitely not a fan of Ron/Hermione, ergo I really liked that you had Hermione doubting the relationship. I've never read a story where Percy is the one who fell for her, as plausible as it is, and I have to say that I quite liked this. Until, of course, you left the ending so utterly unresolved.
Issues I had-
-shifting point of view during the conversation. It's a little distracting, switching from Percy's head to Hermione's and back.
-it started a bit slow, which isn't exactly a bad thing, but in comparison the ending felt rushed.
-your characterization of Audrey. Assuming that you left her in to imply that Hermione would choose Ron and Percy would end up with her, she just doesn't seem like someone Percy would fall for, and it doesn't seem likely that he would decide to just get married to be married.
-you might want to have a beta look at this. Spelling was fine, just some awkwardly worded sentences and such.
Things I liked
-your writing style in general. Easy to read.
-your characterization of Percy, focusing more on his human side than is the norm.
-Hermione, as well.
-the story in general. It's harder to pick out specific things I liked than things I disliked, but I enjoyed reading this.
You could definitely have this at 15+, with a Scenes of a Mild Sexual Nature, even.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I am a big Heron fan myself, but I also like writing/reading outside the box. I think there\\\'s a general like of Percy love in the fandom. I must admit he\\\'s not among my favorites, but he gets much undeserved hatred and he has a lot of potential. I can really see him and Hermione together. My apologies about the ending, but I couldn\\\'t help myself!
I do need to work on shifting points of view. I have this desire to explore all characters, and I don\\\'t think I\\\'ve quite learned to balance it with the actual writing yet, if that makes sense.
I put in Audrey to keep it a bit with canon. At this point Percy wouldn\\\'t have known her very long, and at the time he met her he would have been busy pining over Hermione. My theory is that he wouldn\\\'t really get to know her until later. Looking back, it seems kind of awkward in the story, so I might need to work on that. OTOH, if I ever decide to write something else Percy-centric, I have an opening, y\\\'know? Actually I think that\\\'s why I left the story so open - plenty of possibilities. Not that I need more plot bunnies.
I\\\'ll consider getting a beta and will look over the story again myself. I am probably going to lower the rating as well.
Thank you so much for your compliments on characterization and writing and such. I\\\'m very glad you liked it and I enjoyed reading your review.