Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Inti says:
Apologies if this review is a bit all over the place. Have cold/flu type thing so head is a bit fuzzy.

The way you weave in the magical and Muggle worlds is fantastic. Your idea about young wizards going off to fight in WWI is just stunningly original. There isn't much nationalism in canon, so it's super exciting to see the world being built onto.

The narrative of this chapter works well, has a nice easy flow to it. Doesn't feel rushed or hurried, or even too slow. Just... works.

Helen, despite being a bit too, what's the word... self aware? Okay that's a phrase, but still. She just seems incredibly in control of all her thoughts and emotions. Actually, that's probably deliberate on your part, ignore it. She's a Black, which is fantastic to read. By Black I mean a 'real' Black. Not some renegade one, but a proper one, prejudiced, cunning and proud.

The whole backstory you're building around this is fascinating. A spurned Malfoy, vengeful mother and a father who's not quite sure who's side to take. No wonder she moved to Egypt!

Author's Response: The cold/flu-type thing didn't harm your review at all. It was easy to follow and mentioned some very helpful things, so thank you! :D

Helen's self-awareness was also recently mentioned by another reviewer, and now with two mentions of it, I'm starting to re-think her narrative style a bit. While it's really only in this chapter that she talks about herself so much, it's a flaw in the first person narration that might come back to bite me. I might edit it a bit in this chapter to tone it down. While Helen is aware of herself and pretty self-confident, I don't want that to get in the way of the story, either. The self-awareness was sort of deliberate, but I'm less sure of it now, if that makes sense.

The backstory here was mostly an excuse to tie the story into canon - the Black family and the lives of purebloods in the early 20th century. The historical stuff about Ancient Egypt and WWI wasn't as difficult to write as was making this solid fanfiction. :P So I'm very glad that the backstroy turned out well, not only in content, but in style/technique. :)

Thank you again for the wonderful review! I appreciate how detailed each of them is. :D

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 701
Submit Report: