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Review:Alopex says:
I always feel so petty pointing these things out when the rest of the story is superb, but . . . this chapter actually had a few minor errors in it. In particular, I would recommend that you take a closer look at the paragraph in which Helen talks about taking food from carts in Cairo. There are several been's that should be be's, I think. Also, you've used the wrong discretely/discreetly. Discrete has something to do with being separate or different or something like that (I remember it from math class) while discreet means being quiet or prudent. The second one is what you're looking for. Somewhere in Helen's conversation with Moody, you write everyday when it should be every day. And just before Helen is attacked, you use the word hinder, which should be hindrance.

I'm starting to repeat myself, but I again was struck by the voice you have given Helen. It is wonderful and so distinctive. It really brings her character to life. She feels like a real person to me, which may partly be due to the use of the first-person, so great job on her characterization. She's so proper and yet so improper all at the same time. She's really delightful.

Ah, Moody makes another appearance! He's an interesting character as well. I can understand why Helen finds him so infuriating, but as a reader, I like him. The interactions he has had with Helen so far have been very amusing to read since they are both so witty. In this chapter, I have to confess I felt a little stab of delight that she took advantage of him (though he knew she was doing it) offering a meal. As for the new characters here, Hassim was a unique presence, and I am quite suspicious of Mr. Cadogan.

So far there have been a few things in your story I'd never considered previously. For instance, the part about ancient Egyptian magic being lost. Well, of course that seems obvious now you've pointed it out. Naturally they wouldn't have used Latin-based incantations!

Author's Response: Please don't feel petty at all! Those are some of the things I need pointing out. Usually I'm good at catching the errors, but sometimes, I get lazy and they slip through. :( I do really appreciate you informing me of them.

Haha, it's nice to hear multiple times that Helen is a well-developed character, and that the first person voice is working. It's not one I use that often anymore, having found it so limiting, but it works for Helen. She's perhaps the most amusing character I've ever created. No chance of her getting angsty anytime soon. ;)

Readers are sort of meant to like Moody, even with Helen's negative mediation. He's a bit on the slimy side, but there's nothing wrong with him. Helen's dislike of him stems mostly from her upbringing, and from her past experience with an American wizard (it's an undeveloped event, only hinted at).

About your last paragraph, yes, that's what I was thinking too. The Rosetta Stone would have affected more than just Muggle understanding of the Egyptian language. It would have been just as impossible for wizards to keep track of a forgotten language, especially with all the destruction of Egyptian culture by the Greeks and Romans. I wish that the books had talked a little more about Bill's work as a curse breaker, just to get a bit more insight into how much wizards know about the ancient culture, but oh well. Leaves more for me to imagine. :)

Thank you again for the amazing reviews! They're a delight to read and give me a lot to think about. :D


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