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Review:TwilightPrincess says:
Sorry for the delay. I hope you don't mind if I pick up my reviews at this chapter.

I really am impressed with your control over the English language. I've seen some pretty wicked word-slingers on this site, but your writing style is entirely your own, and it's beautiful. Nearly every line of narration made me think, and I came to the conclusion that had I been writing this, I would not have been able to think of something as clever as what you chose. For example, this: "Hmm," Alanna grunted, committing to neither anger nor forgiveness. The second clause is what really got me thinking. It's a simple sentence, I know, but I just would never be able to think of phrasing it that way. The way you put it makes an ordinary sentence sparkle. Very impressive.

The plot of this seems to be going to a good place. It's interesting for sure, and your characters really propel it well. I especially like the way you've given us a good view into what Alanna is thinking and how she feels about everything. I'm not just reading her thoughts on things. It's pure poetry. Alanna reasoned--no, she knew with deep certainty--that because Rabastan had accustomed himself to taking care of her, within the last four years she had reined in some of his fragmented concentration with her own. I could quote the entire chapter, but I'll try to restrain myself.

The only tiny piece of criticism I can mention is the dialogue between Rab and Alanna at the beginning. Something about the way Rabastan spoke wasn't completely agreeing with me. " I hope you'll put your heart to ease and forgive us both." Do people really speak this way? I wish they did because this is a beautifully crafted sentence. I just think that it works better in narration than in dialogue.

Great chapter! You're a gifted writer and I really enjoy reading your work. Ganbare! Tanoshinde ^_^


Author's Response: Hey, thanks for stopping by again! I'm so flattered that you could even compare me to the greater "word-slingers" on this site, lol. I hope to reach their caliber one day. It's nice to hear that I make an ordinary sentence sparkle, though. :)

Glad you like the description - this is a really character-driven story, so I focus a lot on Alanna and Rab rather than too much plot. As for the dialogue, you'll see as you read that how Rabastan speaks serves to characterize him further. It's difficult to explain...but it fits for him to speak that way? Haha, oh well. Thanks for reviewing!

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