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Review:Alopex says:
When I read your author's note about having to keep track of numbered segments of a story, I wasn't too impressed. I dislike it when writers do that. It's usually an excuse for laziness, or they're trying for a certain effect that comes across very clumsily. However, this was not the case in your story. You obviously thought and planned this out meticulously. Putting it out of order worked very well here, because you had such tight control over the whole thing and made everything flow seamlessly. I am quite impressed with this piece, and I think you write very well.

I haven't read too many Remus and Tonks get together (almost) stories, but I enjoyed this one very much. It seemed so realistic, like this is what actually happened. As I was reading, I didn't feel like you as the writer were forcing them together (as I thought I might due to the alcohol plot device). I liked all the little clumsy moments Tonks had, especially her thoughts about them. Her clumsiness is a distinguishing characteristic, but you didn't overdo it.

Remus was portrayed well also. You really brought out the wolfish side of him. I could feel the werewolf side of him, the danger inside him, the elephant (or monster) in the room, if you will. Your writing style is rather matter-of-fact, as well as solemn or a bit old-fashioned in tone. At the same time, it is very descriptive. It's a style that the reader can't rush through with reading; you force us to pay attention.

Author's Response: I was worried that someone would comment on that note. It is a very sloppy thing to have included - explanatory notes do weaken the rest of the story and somewhat talk down to the reader. It should probably go; my own fears that the story would make no sense whatsoever have been alleviated thus far, so that note is no longer necessary. However, I am glad that the rest of the story made up for that note. :)

Thank you very much for this review. I wasn't expecting it at all, which immediately makes it an exciting read. You've mentioned some very interesting points about the characters and story that I hadn't thought of when writing. The alcohol scene was a risk, initially a way to get Remus to a state in which he would reveal too much of his own feelings. This changed when I switched the order of the sections, and instead it became a grief session about Sirius. That seemed more natural for both characters, both connected to Sirius, albeit in different ways, who blamed themselves for his death. So the potential for a poorly chosen plot device was there. After reading your review, it's a relief to know that it this way worked out better for the story.

Someone else who reviewed stated that Remus was too harsh, yet I agree more with your way of putting it. The werewolf side of him isn't cute and fuzzy, it's dangerous and looming. For half the story, Remus has only just returned from living among the werewolves, so having the wolfish side of him emerge is realistic.

Your description of the writing style is one I'll have to keep in a special place so that I can continuously refer back to it. It's never been described in that way, yet I can see what you mean. It's the greatest compliment anyone could have paid me, thank you. Getting the reads to pay attention is important to me as a writer - I don't want to write anything that can be skimmed through and easily understood.


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