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Review:Joanne K says:
Amazing! This fic hand me pulled in right from the start and a couldn't take my eyes off the page until I had finished it. I can't believe you don't write more as you certainly have a gift for it. Your imagery was fantastic; you really set the scene with your detailed descriptions, including all the little details in the characters looks and actions as they spoke. It really conveyed the characters well. I also thought your characterisation was spot on. In particular I thought you wrote Vernon so accurately it was hard not to think that JKR could have written it herself. Your spelling and grammar were both good from what I could tell (though I expected nothing less as you come across as being quite knowledgeable in these areas in your reviews). There may have been one or two lines that I had to read twice because they seemed not to flow well, such as:

"... and she'd gotten stuck looking after him. "

But that could be just me because I'm not a fan of the word 'gotten'.

I had to smile when I read this line:

"if it doesn't keep that Lord Thing out, at least I'll have enough warning to grab my golf club and give him a good crack over the-"

Was this possibly inspired by a certain scene in 'Golden Amulet'? lol

You really did a superb job with this one-shot and I could easily see it happening in the books.

Author's Response: Thank you for the sweet review! I used to write some when I was younger, but haven't written fiction for many years now. I think I overdid or mishandled the descriptions in some places; some of my sentence structure became repetitive. I'm glad you liked the effect, though. Vernon was such a hoot to write.

I originally had the usual baseball bat instead of a golf club. However, then I got to wondering if baseball is common enough in Britain for a family to own a bat? I think it's more an American (and Japanese) thing. So then what to use, a cricket bat? Are they even called cricket bats or is there a special name? And then, yes, I remembered you using a golf club in your story and thought, problem solved!

Ugh, that "gotten stuck" line. I got so aggravated with that paragraph! I know it's not exactly a highlight, and there are several other sticky places throughout. I will likely edit this at some point, but having a deadline was great for me.


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