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Review:GailGreen says:
I think this is a very good start. I really liked the structure of the one-shot. The story as a memory encased by a parent-child conversation. Also I really liked the idea 'plot' of the story. How Draco was really a good-guy who was defending Hermione, even if no one knew it. Cute.

If I might make a suggestion, or two... I think you'd do better with some solid description, and a bit more focus on the story. Instead of describing what was going on elsewhere, focus solely on what was going on between Hermione and Lucius. After all, it is her memory. Focus on the kind of details Hermione might have noticed. Focus on her fear and pain. But go into detail, and really set the mood. Insert some terror into this, so it feels like a memory and not a simple historical summary of the events.

Secondly, use some description to slip into the past and back out. Instead of dividing the story and stating. '20years earlier' try to describe Rose and her mother falling into the pensieve, how Rose felt as she was suddenly injected into (was it the final battle for Hogwarts?) a battle. Describe how Rose leaves. It will provide a better fluidity to your story.

I might also add a little incredulity to the bit where Hermione was face to face with Draco and he was offering her a way out.

Basicaly, I think it's a good one shot that would do better if it was rounded/filled out.


Author's Response: Thanks so much for the great response!!! Your criticism will definately be taken into account on future fics !! :D


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