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Review:Erised says:
Hello! This is Erised, and here is your review. :)

You've got a nice little one-shot here. An unusual ship, great vocab, and I think you've perfectly captured the inner workings of Frank Longbottom's mind. It flowed well, and the character development was good and accurately depicted. No need to worry about those, in my opinion.

The paragraph where Frank describes Alice as his soulmate I found particularly moving, and the paragraph links well into the next flashback.

I also like how Frank refers to the Death Eaters as 'they' and 'them' at first; it portrays Frank's fear decently, aswell as adding to the overall tension of the fic.

Your ending was also great, and as for the last line, it made me feel a little creeped out!

Couple of things though:
1. There's a flashback scene where Frank describes his father's funeral. He says, "I do not understand the evils of the world." I feel that this is a little unrealistic. You write at the end of the flashback that Frank wishes revenge on the Death Eaters; surely he would have at least been a little aware of these evils? If you want, perhaps you could change it to something like, "I have been forced to understand the evils of the world." your choice :)

2. A little more variation of punctuation would be good too. You use a lot of full stops; semi colons are very helpful at creating pauses too. Colons also add dramatic tension aswell.

On the whole, this is a lovely story that is very well written. I really enjoyed reading it, well done!

Author's Response: ah Jenny... how come i didnt reply to this! But thank you so much for the helpful feedback! thank you xxx

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