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Review:ASimpliGawjussSlytherin says:
i thought this could've been improved in a few aspects like:
punctuation - there weren't enough full stops or commas.
speech - this could've been a monologue but those few (two or three) pieces of dialogue didn't fit. Either more or less speech would be nice.
paragraphs! - it was effective for some parts to only have one sentence per line, but for others it kind of ruined it.
add more detail
i dont want to seem like a snob or anything, i promise! its just pure constructive critism! but it was a really good story with a good plot!


Author's Response: okay
i will
thank you

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