|Review:|| Whimsical Diva says:|
Tragic, evocative and beautiful are three words I'd use to describe your writing. It's just impossible to by cynical or critical of this unique style of writing, because every word, every sentence seems so heartfelt and sincere. What is really, really remarkable is that your writing is moving and heart-rending without veering into the realm of angst. Because once you're in the angst territory, the story gets depressing and that takes away all the beauty from the writing.
The starting bit of the story written in second-person is a masterstroke. Because, had you written it in first person, the voice would have sounded very girly. And if it were written in third person, then again I don't think you would have quite achieved the effect you achieved by using the second person narrative. You're really comfortable with this narrative, aren't you? And I liked the fact that a portion of your opening was reused again in part 3; that was a nice touch.
I didn't find the story to be unrealistic at all. Stranger things happen in reality. There was a bit of ambiguity concerning the man's identity and past, but I liked it. It gets incredibly boring when authors spell everything out and leave nothing to the readers' imagination. I especially liked your characterisation of the girl. Though we know very little about her, yet there's this joie de vivre about her which is a perfect foil for the man's irritable disposition.
The letter was heart-rending. Please take this as a compliment, because I don't use the word very lightly. I consider myself to be as unemotional as they come, and very rarely do I react to characters. I'm generally very indifferent. So when I say that the letter was heartbreaking, I hope you understand how truly moving it was. It again had that very beautiful quality to it, without being angst-ridden or depressing. Maybe it is because the characters - both the girl and the man - harbour no bitterness. Both of them seem to accept their fate without any rancour, and that adds to the beauty of the story. The ending was especially bittersweet.
I have only two criticisms.
As I said, I loved the fact that you didn't delve too much into the man's past. But I think had there been a few more... clues; then it'd have been so much more intriguing. In the beginning of the second part, the man breaks the glass in a moment of fury. Now I found that really interesting and was hoping that there would be more such clues which would tell me more about the man's past. I'm not asking you to directly tell, but you could have shown more.
Secondly, there are quite a few grammatical errors. Some of your sentences are run-on sentences and that is only because there is a comma or a semi-colon missing somewhere. By adding a comma or a semi-colon in some places and omitting certain other commas, you can sort this out. Also, some of your sentences are slightly awkwardly structured. Again, this can be fixed by using a different preposition/adding a pronoun/omitting certain words and by tweaking some sentences slightly. I suggest you get this beta-ed again, because you donít want these errors to distract the readerís attention from your beautiful prose.
All in all, I really enjoyed reading and reviewing this. Please feel free to request again; I want to read more of your work.
Author's Response: Wow, I'm kind of speechless. First, I'm going to respond to your question about the PoV: yes, I kind of am comfortable with tit. I really love writing in second person - it feels so personal to me. And I can't tell you how glad and relieved I am to hear that you liked the characters and that you didn't find their story unrealistic. You are right, stranger things have probably happened. As for your criticisms: I understand what you mean, about clues... But at the time, while I wrote this, I wasn't entirely sure who I had in mind, and if I wanted him to be an other canon character or an original, and because of that it was hard to make out his past. But, in any case, I'll keep that in mind 'til next time. And I'll take a look at those, or have it re-betaed. I've been aware about those run-on sentences, and I've tried to fix them, but I just haven't been able to. I'll make sure to try again though, thanks for mentioning it. All in all, thank you so, so much for this incredible review. I can't begin to tell you how much it means to me :)