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Review:SpringTime says:
Hello Ralph! It is a very good beginning. I am starting to wonder about what loss you must be suffering personally (I dont mean that as hard as that sounds in writing) just that I noticed the theme. I hope all is okay. Anyway onto the story. There were a couple of times when you switched tenses (but only a couple) and at the end you swtiched from limited third Jaqui POV to Albus POV... I am not sure if you inteded to switch between the two. There was also one line "Her father had remarried when she reached the slender age of four." I wasn't sure if you mean the tender age of four...slender means thin...?
Okay now onto the good...I think that you have introduced the dialogue well and I really enjoyed the voice that you have given to Albus so far. I also found her resigned pain to be very well explained and could see the intense grief that she was hiding. Very good job, nice beginning. :)

Author's Response: thanks so much! Ralph loves to be fed. I'm glad that you could review. I guess it's just easier to write more about loss than it is for anything else for me. It's not Very familiar, and i've been fortunate to never have to go to a wake. But within the past year or so i've lost about 5 people or so i knew. None of them were incredibly close but i was friends with them and whatnot.one was like a second grandmother to me.
Thanks so much for reviewing. I'll look over this story once more! Ralph appreciates the food!


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