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Review:notreallyblonde44 says:
Hi VampireKisses, it's notreallyblonde from the forums here to give your review, hope you holiday is going well!

'The holiday of New Year's often symbolizes something different for everyone, and thus their celebrating is rather unique compared with their neighbors.' - Here I was confused over if second 'their' was meant to be specific or not. In the second sentence that was cleared up. So then I was left wonder who the 'their' is referring to? I know I will found out eventually, but I felt that this sentence was meant to build the foundation and since it seems more specific than not. I suggest either stating it's the Blacks or making it vaguer.

Wow, that second paragraph was an absolute keeper. Actually if you plan to revise or edit in the future I would suggest highly making that the first paragraph. It had the perfect amount of imagery, ambiance, and sense of direction for the rest of the fiction.

'When Andromeda Tonks, that's her name by the way, was a girl,' - Now I wonder who is telling this story because of the 'that's her name by the way' bit lol

'The recent years, poisoned by a Black curse, have not been kind to dear Andromeda, which grieves an admission of her dying of heart failure, and hence the reason she sits pensively in that large, plaid, overstuffed armchair (once coveted by her loving husband) beside herself looking deep into fiery flames licking the walls of the hearth.' -run-on. And that is just one that I picked out. I suggest reading aloud; it helps me so much in finding run-ons and awkward phrasings :)

I definitely like the tone of this story, a lot. At the end I felt like everything did come full circle, and a sense of completion was gained a because of this. It was a very pleasant read. A concern I do have is the narration. At the end it seemed like Narcissa might have been the one who told the story, I could be wrong, but if that is the case then she would not have a clue about the neighbors in the beginning or when Andy opens her eyes and decides to see her sister again. Unless this was all in their conversation, which would have been a bonus if the reader got to see that. Also, the narrator seems God-like at the same time...so I'm just a wee bit confused here.

Otherwise, save for some awkward phrases and an odd narrative style that I can't pin down (lol), excellent work! Loved the holiday theme, so fitting haha.

9/10
-Lisa

Author's Response: Hey notrealyblonde44! Thanks for the long, detailed review! I hope you don't mind...but as I read this, I'll be commenting. My holiday has been going very well...I'm rather enjoying my new snuggly bath robe and heated bed pad. The 'their' meant that everyone has a whole...all the people in Britain and the world celebrates New Year's differently. Wow thanks on the paragraph compliment! I see what you mean about it. The reason why I have that huge first paragraph was to give it a little Jane Austen-esque feel to it...cute, a little humorous (I never tried to be funny in my writings before, so I don't know how that turned out), and a little relatable I guess. Thank you for the advice on run ons...I'll definitely take a look later! Actually, I chose the narrator to be Ted Tonks...and I take it I didn't execute it successfully judging by your reaction. I thought I was obvious to be honest with you by like mentioning Ted in the story have him talk a little cocky (like a guy...I hoped) or calling her 'Dromeda at the end there (in DH he called her that...maybe I should have Cissy call her 'Andy' or something) and saying when she got to the pearly gates they lived happiyl ever after. Although I did do alot of editing when writing this...so saying that Ted and 'Dromeda's happily ever after was cut short may have been put on the cutting room floor. And a huge inspiration to this was "It's a Wonderful Life" lol.

Thanks for the awesome review Lisa!


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