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Review:jammiecon says:
this is the second time i'm reading this story, it's THAT good, the plot is very clever and very realistic and as a million other reviewers said, you're rue to the characters.

BUT in order to be fair i must say your writing in itself has room for improvement. your sentences are too long and informal, so it makes it seem a bit childish and like i'scribbled down quickly. Revise your punctuation and don't feel like you have to make speech EXTREMELY realistic. a reader's mind will fill in the blanks when a character is supposed to be stammering or speaking nervously (or whaatever effect ur trying to go for). If you refer to rowling's writing you'll see she very very rarely uses elipses in speech, but you could always imagine the exact tone and manner in which characters spoke.

Overall, excellent story, good job!

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