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Review:Cyan Green Zephyr says:
interesting cryptic ending. Great job on Elliot and Grey's dialogue, and Elliot's mother was perfect for him. There were some grammar issues, for instance, the second and third sentences ought to be combined, the third has no predicate, and the subject is only there because it's implied from the second sentence. There was a place or two where you mixed up the gender of your pronouns. Also, the sisters were a bit stiff as characters, if you get what that means, but I really loved Penny. All in all these are only superficial issues and I positively LOVED this chapter, 10/10 and I don't give those easily. Keep up your fantastic work, Ran

Author's Response: Thank you so much! It's completely lovely to see you enjoyed it, because I think this chapter is one of my favourites. I stressed about it quite a bit, because as I've said, me and out-right angst don't really get along. But El and his ending, he really made me happy for going along with it. Cryptic=That's lovely, that is.

I'm definitely interested in your critique, I had some trouble with the sisters, and hearing that you've noticed it, I'll try and go over it and see if I can smooth them in a little.

There was something in my head reminding me it was a dinner table during the 1960s, and Madeline was sort unwanted house guest. I didn't know how to juggle it, I suppose. But I do understand your meaning, and I'll see what I can do.

Penny was an instant character. She wasn't really what I had originally intended. Naturally, one's head automatically goes to the nasty step mother. But I'm so glad I found her instead. So less cliched. Even though the entire circumstance still screams it =P

Again, thank you so much! Another really extra-lovely, helpful review.


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