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Review:TwilightPrincess says:
I really love your opening, though I think it would have been more effective had you started right with "Dude..." I'm not British, but I don't think they say 'dude' across the pond. But since I'm American, it sounded great to hear a good ol' Dude in there. It made it clear that they were pals and had a connection, and you didn't have to explain that they'd been friends forever. With that one magical word, I already knew.

I love the whole conversation between them. It was very easy to read and I could hear their tones of voice, even though you didn't use many dialogue tags, which should be commended. They're often unnecessary. I'm not sure if I see Draco as being the consoling one, but it was interesting to see him as one here. I think you may have gone a bit overboard on that aspect, but it was tolerable.

I was with ya up until you mention the Jonas Brothers. Not only do I loathe them with a strong passion, but I don't know if they're popular in Britain either, just like 'dude'. Again, I'm not sure so don't take my word for law. But even if they were popular over there, I doubt Draco would be one to think they're 'pretty damn cool'.

Looking forward to reading more! Ganbare! Tanoshinde ^_^


Author's Response: Ahh another Jonas brothers loathing reference. I may actually have to change that.

You picked right up on my "dud" reference. The whole point of Draco being consolable is really because Michael is really the only friend Draco wants to have. Since all he has is minions. I also wanted to make it seem as if they felt like brothers.

I plan to follow your afvice here because I do beleive it would make the chapters better. Guess I'd better look for a group that is popular in Britian

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