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Review:foreverlucky14 says:
Hey, this is realize from the forum here to review.

Wow, when I read the first few lines I almost thought that I had written the story. Our styles seem to be quit alike. I usually begin with describing a word such as love and hate or weakness. I donít know if you have read any of my work, but if you havenít I think you should just so you can see it for yourself. Anyway, I really enjoyed the beginning and having the question was perfect. I liked that this involves some characters that people on this site donít usually write about, it was interesting to read about them. I think that you were able to develop the characters characteristics rather well because little is known about them, so you could change and add what you wanted about them.

I loved the way that you described Bellatrixís character it was purely amazing. However, I would have liked more description on her physical appearance. I liked the way that Lucius becomes so oblivious to what is going on. I also loved Rodolphusís reaction to making Bellatrix blush that was cute. However, maybe if you had described what he felt when their eyes meet that would have given more emotion to that moment. I almost felt that him asking her out was rushed, we didnít get any insight about his physical features, was he sweating, was he smiling, and were his eyes on her the whole time? There were so many questions that werenít answered in that scene.

Lucius is one of my favorite characters, there is so much that you can learn about him, and put into his character to keep you interested in him. You never really know what he is thinking. We only got to see Narcissa for a few seconds, but description of what she looks like would have been useful. A major part of writing is to create a picture for the reader and if you plan to do that then you must use description. I liked seeing Sirius that was a nice little twist, but maybe if there had been more of a conversation or you had mentioned Sirius friends whispering about Bella and Rodolphus just being friends that would have caught my attention and made the scene more interesting.

I think that there is a lot of mystery to Bellatrix. I think that they are cute together, but I think that his was rather rushed, and the ending to the story hardly made any sense. I did enjoy reading this, but there are things that need work, mostly the descriptions, and the ending of the story. It wasnít to bad and in my book it is a 7.3/10

Author's Response: Hey realize, thanks for reviewing; you are really thorough.

I've never read any of your work, at least not yet - you requested a review from me. To tell you the truth I don't really write like that, the thought of second person perspective just appealed to me around the same time the plot did and that was the first thing on my mind. You are right about minor characters - you can play around with them as much as you want :)

I really enjoyed writing the part when Bellatrix blushed because how often would she do that in the future.

I get what you're saying about the descriptions or lack thereof from rereading what you said about what could've been going through Rodolphus' head when he asked out Bella. And again when they were in the woods; I didn't realise I was going to make people confused.

I love Lucius too, all of the Malfoys actually. I didn't really consider much description into Narcissa either.

I'll try to work on the descriptions and the ending (I didn't really like it either except for the last few lines).

Thanks so much for your input and feedback, I really appreciate it.


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