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Review:fluro nails says:
Hmm, ok- interesting beginning, and yes, very short. I think you might need to get yourself a BETA, or a friend or something, to fix up your story, because there are quite a few mistakes that make it hard to follow what exactly is going on. Also, the fact that Naomei is attacked by a Death Eater (I'm assuming), but then has time to stop and read a letter is a bit inconsistent. You have an opportunity to explore some real confusion with your main character, and to open up with a bit of action which can make a story very gripping. If you get a chance, I recommend coming back to this chapter and re-writing it, but actually imagining yourself as the main character. What would you do if you were suddenly attacked by a random guy with a magic wand? You'd think you'd have gone insane! You would question how it was all possible. Not to mention run like hell! I'd add in a chase scene before Naomei gets her Hogwarts letter. And in my mind, McGonagall is a little more formal in her speech than you portray her. But I like the overall idea.

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