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Review:CheleCooke says:
Hi ya. I'm gonna jump into nitpicking to get it over with. I apologise in advance that I just jump from thing to thing without a link.

Upon hearing this Harry choked out through fits of laughter. - For some reason, this reads a little odd to me. It could just be me, but I think if you break it up, and have 'Harry choked out' after he speaks, it might work a little better. So you have him bursting into laughter, talking, then explaining that he choked out the words.

'exclaimed Ron turning gradually redder' - You need a comma after Ron.

"It's just that you know that little sticky thing looks like it could poke your eye out..." - that line is just PERFECT! Fantastic explanation about boy's minds. Really good.

"if you're too embarrassed just admit it" - needs a comma between embarrassed and just.

"what has It been now 5 months?" - no capital I for it, comma after now, and Id write the word five instead of the number (but that one is personal choice.)

Sweet Salazar - That is the most genius exclamation I have heard in ages!

*cries with laughter* Oh my god, the Ravenclaws were fabulous! The poor boys!

'You got what you deserved... now bloody well stop slagging Zach' - Personally, I don't think slagging is the right word here. Slagging someone off involves actually malicious intent, and if this is just banter, then something along the lines of 'taking the mickey out of Zach' would work a lot better.

Wow. This review is a lot longer than I intended. Lol. I really like this story. It's very light hearted and easy to read. You've not taken yourself too seriously which a lot of people writing humour try to do. They try to make every joke clever and witty instead of just funny, you seem to get all three in there in places naturally. It's very nice.

Author's Response: It sounded weird to me too as I was writing it, but I couldn't think of another way to put it, so thanks for the help. You can't understand how much I love those Ravenclaws Lol. They were just so much fun to write!
I must say I'm going to stick with slagging though, cause Zacharias is quite annoyed and that's the context I would normally use it in, I suppose it's just a matter of personal opinion.
Thanks, I'm glad you found it funny, one thing I've learnt from your reviews though is that I badly need a beta! Lol =]


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