This was definitely a very different one-shot, almost like a puzzle one has to put together. I thought it interesting how detached she is throughout the beginning, especially when she uses the word "Mother" and how she finds solace amongst strangers at a hotel. I did like how in the end she left a mark on George and how he was never really the same.
I do think that since George seems to be a pivotal character both symbolically and literally, that maybe he should be described more, what his mannerisms were and what it was in particular that she did like about him. I actually didn't put together right away that it was George that she was sleeping with in the first explicit scene.
I was also taken by surprise with the ending, mainly because I hadn't seen much time progression throughout the one-shot to suggest a year has passed. I also thought it really odd that George would sell his hotel and source of income because of her.
I did wonder how this was a Harry Potter fanfiction because I didn't really see any elements of the HP universe in here. In fact, I started looking for clues and thought that maybe George was George Weasley. This isn't a bad thing, it's just I did make that connection because I was looking for elements of the HP verse.
I do applaud you for your effort in making a unique one-shot that has multiple layers and ways to read it. Stories like that are hard to do and not always understood. I hope some of the feedback I gave helps.
Author's Response: Hey, sorry for the delay in response, Ive been busy:]
As I also told you, this was a big experiment, I had some small quotes in my head in the beginning taht just wouldnt leave me alone, the whole story formed itself around the small italized sentences [he's left a mark, silence follows, etc.] and so the story started.
I didnt mention any names on purpose because I wanted it to be anyone you wanted it to be; if you were a Draco/Hermione shipper you could do that and if you were a Harry/Hermione [like me], you could do that.
I know this wasnt very 'magical' and it could just as well have been one of my original fics. But there is another dimension to this one, tho; He's left a mark... the very very obvious way. Voldemort and one of his former Death Eaters, Bellatrix for example.
I agree that George could be explored more and I also think that it was slightly rushed; my oneshots tend to be like that a lo of the time. But honestly, I couldnt see what I should fill in, the whole thing about the story is that they fall into a habit together, live a pretend and time goes and they do the same again and again.
Her own progression where she detaches herself from everything shes been clinging to, misses a bit, I agree. But maybe it is also because it's vey sudden, well it is of course happening all the time, but then its very very subtle and unnoticeable; first she pushes all the memories away in an attempt to rid herself of all of his memories, but when she finally starts to forget by the help of George, she clings to His memories. So from the start to that time, nothing has really changed; shes just in denial.
As you know, she panicks and cuts all the strings to George in an attempt to regain her memories, regain her former lover.
The real change, where she finally breaks free, is when she has her epiphany and realises that she was happy with George and that she loved him; shes broken free of the other guy without knowing and she first realises as she loses her new love, George.
George was a tool, for her, Im so happy you caught that; George was a mere tool for her - in the beginning, but he turned into something more. He was just meant to be a way of passing time, a way of feeling like she wasnt as alone as she was. but he turns into so much more. He saves her, even if he does leave her in the end, he helped her, gave her the strenght to break free of everything.
I am so happy that you caught the bit about her being the one to leave her mark on somebody else, just as her 'something' did on her.
I was really just experimenting with this one and I was very nervous to hear what you said.
Thank you so much for reviewing!!