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Review:Leo072491 says:
Okay you asked me to review your story to see if it is something that people would want to read. I can tell the type of plot you want to follow here, but you are in for a rough ride. Your story has no flow. I know that YOU have an image in your head what you want the readers to visualize but when you are writing you have to write down as many details from that image so the readers can see the picture too.

And then you jumped right into the middle of the plot. I mean why the heck is Dudley working where he is? Why doesn't Lavender have legs? How did they meet? What was their first date? Their first kiss? How did Dudley propose? Why would Lavender pretend to be dead when everyone saw her alive at the end of the battle?

Your story is slightly AU. Which means you HAVE to explain every aspect of your characters back story. If you don't the readers will be totally lost. Also you seem to be throwing in characters left and right. Slow down a bit, and explain each one.

Don't give up on this story. A rewrite could make this story really great. But set out an outline. Make sure you know your characters, their back story, their personalities, everything. And then come and keep writing. When you have your characters and your story outline completely solid your story is going to come out great!

Author's Response: Thank you for the review. I did intend to jump "in media res" and explain from flashbacks and tales from the protagonists, so that is how it will go. I promise that all will be explained.

Thank you for letting me know that the visuals are not up to snuff. I sometimes stint on description with the intent on writing a sparse style, but end up writing too sparsely.

As you noticed, it is AU, although not terribly so, as it changes nothing from the books or epilogue, although it will contradict some of JKR's utterances from after the books.

Thank you for the CC, I appreciate all feedback.


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