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Review:Ariana_Gryffindor says:
Hi this is Ariana from the forums

Ok so you did well with grammar and speling but there are a few things i will point out. i suggest you scan it over again there a few sentences that are missing comma or semicolns for their emphisis and i only sa ethese tow mistakes:

"Harry grit his teeth with frustration" ~ i think Grit should be gritted and be forwarned this is in the opening we sentences so is easily noticed

"Lavender flapped his hands away irritably" ~ i am not too sure but i think flapped should be slapped. ALthough this one was not as noticable. =)

Okay onto the good things. i really liked this it held emotion and you describe things very well using great analogies. i really liked the part where without knowing it Lavender made a Batman and Robin refrence about Harry being the boy wonder and then didn't know about Clark Kent aka Superman. It was great so dont be worried.

Oh and i think you shoul most definately change your A/N: okay. it was great and when you say that you don't think it is great it shows a negativity that imprints on the reader right before they review and you don't reaslly want that. Be postitive about your writing abilities.

Hope i helped
Steph @0o0@

Author's Response: HI Ariana, thanks for stopping by.

my commas etc have a tendancy to wander out of place lol, thanks for pointing that out I'll re-check it.

U are right, I did mean slapped lol, thanks. But I think it is grit rather than gritted.

I quite liked the Clarke Kent bit as well lol.

Thanks so much for all ur comments I really appreicate it, I'll edit my mistakes as well, thanks again


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