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Review:Fallstar says:
Review for A Beautiful Start by Fallstar on 2008-04-15. My last was an error

It is puzzling how Don Quixote, the Masterpiece of Spanish Literature, in translation, can read as if it were written in English while a Fanfiction, written in English, reads as if written in...Japanese? I truly do not know, but there are some very stiff phrases in the mouths of Brits that sound less The Queen's and more the Manga's. I don't dislike Japan or anything of the sort, it is merely a mix of variations on too many cliches. Does Harry have to sound so formal--as he does when he speaks to the centaurs? It is quite a pastiche of a formal grovel until mutual respect in a martial arts movie. Ah I forgot, they are real.

What is so endearing about Harry in the books is that he is able to make do with the least. This, in your clothes horse, is a virtue that very much lacks.

I wonder, have you read Aristotle and Plato? Much of what you write seems a demonstration of them, yet other parts are simply appalling paroxysimic ecstasies of one Sue after another.

I appreciate that you enjoy the Martial Arts, and respect that they are a good--a means that can be used wrongly, with the wrong intent--yet you are attemting to demonstrate that intent is everything. Why then, with the whole prequel? And why with the series of subplots that causes so much conflict with the point you are making? Or do you realize your point?

The story as a whole...6/10

Author's Response: ... well I answered the other. I can't add more to this right now...

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