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Review:Girldetective85 says:
Hey cosmo! I'm here to review at last :)

Okay I'm not a Harry/Hermione shipper but I thought this was pretty decent. I think you fleshed out their romance very nicely by displaying all of the angsty emotions and turbulence that came at the beginning of the relationship, and how they argued all the time. Hermione is very fiery in your story - she almost reminds me of Ginny, which is kind of interesting because that's who Harry ends up with in canon. People are always pairing Harry up with a sassy woman :) I like how they ended up together and reconciled at the end; that was really sweet.

My main problem is that the entire story is in italics. That annoys me often, and I realize that you wanted to separate the narrative from Harry's personal reflections, but since there is so much less reflection, why not make the real story in normal text and put his thoughts into italics? That would save you the trouble of bolding words that you want to emphasize, something you should save italicization for.

Saw quite a few grammar mistakes but here are some that jumped out at me:

"joining her in watching the Ron and Luna make their way around the dance floor" (the word "the" doesn't belong before Ron and Luna)

“Hi,” she monotonously said (I get what you're trying to say but monotonous is not usually describing dialogue; how about "she said in a monotone")

"It started out that way, her slowly becoming more and more aggravated by me" (incorrect grammar; how about "It started out that way, Hermione becoming more and more aggravated by my mere presence")

Anyway hope I helped, you did a good job for the most part and I think the piece has tons of potential. :) Nice work!

Author's Response: idk i always found Hr to be an extremely fiery personality, so i guess that's why i portrayed her in that manner, it's just how i always precieved her.

as for the text i can totally see where you're comign from and will deffinitley do that ASAP!

thank you so much for all of your commentary, i really appreciate it!


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