Our website is made possible by displaying online advertisements to our visitors.
Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker.

Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:BluEyedAngel says:
This was a great story idea!

Here's some thoughts I had when reading it:
You have a great premise, but I think you could've done it better justice by making it into a 2-3 chapter short story, as opposed to a one-shot. It seemed a little rushed.

I wouldn't use parentheses in your writing. Parentheses works ok for e-mails and stuff, but in stories it is too informal. Similarly, if your flashbacks are in italics putting "*Flashback*/*End of Flashback*" isn't really necessary.

The breakup scene seemed to be a little over the top. I understand that this was a spectacularly emotion charged scene, but the dialogue was almost to the point of cliche. Especially Ginny, sadly.

One litte typo. "She was beautiful, he while dress, " It took me a bit to figure this one out.

I loved the plot twist at the end. That was lovely. I loved Ginny objecting at the wedding: priceless.

I thought this was a great story. I wouldn't make a part two, necessarily, though. I liked that it ended on a somber final note. It would almost seem to cheapen Ginny's pain if we magically gave Harry back to her. But, that's just my opinion. I hope that some of the things I pointed out might be helpful to you in whatever your next project might be! Thanks for a great read. :)

Author's Response: Thanks for the wonderful review! I've always used parentheses in my writing, just to keep the reader a bit more interested. When I get the chance, I will try and fix the mistakes in the story. I chose to make it a one shot because it was only a little taste of my next story. I thought some readers liked the way i did this in the way, but then again, maybe not. I hope you read the sequel. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 762
Submit Report: