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Review:smellybeans says:
well. i have to say it's not exactly horrible. you shatter the enviroment created by your own writing when u talk directly to the reader, and i counted several typos. but revise it(take out the parenthetical explanations of whats going on) and keep the "enviroment" for your reader tightly sealed so that they get lost in your writing. and another thing: XD i started laughing my spleen out when it dawned on me that the most intelligent girl at hogwarts became a whore who did her fiance's best friend. i guess u just have to work on the logic of the story.

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