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Review:gryffindorseeker says:
I know this review is VERY overdue, but better late than never, eh? So I thought this was a good chapter overall--it sets the scene well enough, but there are a few small points that can be improved upon. Grammatically, the verb tenses are mixed up sometimes. You can either go in the past or present tense (or future, if you really wanted that), but keep it consistent. Also, you use the passive voice a lot, and while this isn't a huge problem, active voice is generally considered good writing. These are pretty minute points, but I found them distracting while I was reading.

I'm scared that Sophie is a Mary Sue. To be frank, it feels pretty forced the way she is introduced, and I don't know if there's a more seamless way for you to do this. The degree to which she's (presumably) been abused seems a bit extreme...would Draco that cruel, even if this kid isn't his? I suppose I don't find "victims" to be terribly appealing characters, but that's my preference, and if this is the sort of role you envisage for Sophie, then you certainly can continue with it.

Again, apologies for the ridiculously long time it took me to get this review out, and I'm afraid I'll only be able to do this chapter if I want to make any sort of dent in my queue. There certainly is potential here, but be very careful of grammar when you proofread (or consider getting a beta), and really examine your characterizations.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review, I appreciate your honesty and I'm going to be very careful with Sophie, I don't want her to stay a victim or become a Mary Sue!

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