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Review:Breakaway615 says:
Hello!

I liked the beginning a lot. I thought the fight was perfect.

"I didn’t know, then, he spend every last cent he had to buy us a room at the Hog’s Head. I found that out later. After he left. But that’s usually how stories work, don’t they?"

Too true you are. Not that I would know or anything, but that always does seem like the case. I liked that paragraph. It seemed very realistic, so... yeah... It was nice!

"I was angry with him and he was mad at me."

You need to have a comma after "him." You've done very well with the commas, actually. That helps my need to be a perfectionist. :P

"He isn’t alive, he body breathes no longer."

I think you meant the second 'he' to be 'him.'

"So as I lay in my cold, cold bed at night, wondering about what might have been, I wonder about that night."

You need a comma after 'so.' :)

"What if, what if."

Isn't that really the question that every single person asks themselves all of the time. I mean, no one can deny that they've asked that question before.

I really, REALLY loved the ending of this fanfiction! It was brilliant and so realistic. I feel no regret for reading this! :D

I think you switched tenses a lot during this fanfiction, but I suppose it was okay because of the way you were writing it. And switching tenses is ridiculously hard to not do in first person!

Great job! I really liked it!

Author's Response: Hi! I realized after a I posted this story that I had a bunch of grammar mistakes, so I've gone back and edited all of them, including yours. (:
I'm glad you liked that line; I didn't want to make the story too cliche, so I added that bit.
Thank you so much for your review!!


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