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Review:twinkletoes says:
hey :) i know this is your first story, and it is good, it just needs a few things changing. for example, check their, there and they're, make sentences plausible (eg. Hermione would never just think to herself 'I wonder if my best friend is here?'). try to include some background detail :) aaand also please split up your paragraphs, and check all round spelling, grammar and punctuation. with those minor adjustments this should turn out to be a great first story (check out my first story too - it's called 'Close Quarters') :o)

Author's Response: thanks, your right, I need to do a little computer is a little weird about paragraph stuff. But I will try and change things, thanks again....

Author's Response: I think I changed it a bit more......and fixed the paragraph thing...thanks.....

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