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Review:Padfooty says:
Some things I noticed:
''oh.one other thing I should mention'' should be "Oh... one other thing I should mention,"
''It could be something useful you know Padfoot and it wouldn’t exactly hurt you to ‘try’ and seem interested you know’' would be much better if you cut out saying 'you know' twice. "I could be something useful Padfoot, and it wouldn't exactly hurt you to try and seem interested, you know."
if you know what I mean said Sirius, should be finished with ," so it would be: if you know what I mean," said Sirius.

You seem to be determined to write your "s yourself, with two ' instead of one ". There is this lovely button who makes " if you combine it with the shift button, so your lines won't have to look like this: `´Hi!'', because that is what they do.

It seems to me that you write your commas and other signs way to fast, so they get placed after space, in the middle of words, etc. There are loads of these mistakes spread out through the whole story, so I suggest you proof-read it once more, and a Beta would probably not be such a bad idea.

This sentence "She quashed a giggle" startled me. I have never, ever, thought of Lily as a giggly person. I know you wanted to write a laugh, but it giggle isn't the girl form of laugh, it is the girly for of laugh, if you get what I mean. Would you write that Hermione giggled? No, I certainly don't hope so. And so wouldn't Lily, she would laugh, or chuckle.

Other than that, I feel like your characterisations has dropped a level from your first chapter to your second. You seem to be rushing through the dialogues, only wanting to get to the action part, without really fixing your POV at anyone. It goes like Lily-Sirius-James-Sirius-Lily-Snape-Lily and it confuses a lot. It is perfectly acceptable to change POV, but you must make it clear who you are shifting to.

Other than that, you have a good flow and language, and your story is certainly intriguing. Looking forward to read more!

Yours,
Padfooty

Author's Response: lol -_- ahh those mistakes. Actually ive got the edited versions but ive kinda lazy with updating and editing.

Thanks for letting me know those '' have been annotying me and i couldnt for the life of me figure out how to do it ^_^

lol----> This sentence "She quashed a giggle" startled me.

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