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Review:Girldetective85 says:
I want a doughnut! I want a doughnut! Haha what a cute story. I laughed out loud when Mr. Weasley asked where the nut was and the waitress told him to look in the mirror. Poor guy, and now he's all confused because doughnuts and bagels look similar. Really, really sweet and funny. What challenge was this written for? I'm a really nitpicky person, so I saw a bunch of grammar problems here and there. Nothing that can't be fixed easily by just going back over it slowly though. I'll just give you one example. When two different people are talking in dialogue, they should be kept on separate lines. Right now you have:

---

“Okay, do you want a plain one?” Mr. Weasley gave him a quizzical look and said,

“Yes, alright then.” And the waiter went off, when he came back, he had a plain bagel, wrapped in paper.

---

I think it would be less confusing if it were:

"Okay, do you want a plain one?"

Mr. Weasley gave him a quizzical look and said, "Yes, alright then."

The waiter went off, and when he came back, he had a plain bagel wrapped in paper.

---

Hope that makes sense! This was a really great one-shot though, I had a lot of fun reading it. :) Nice job!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your tips! I hate it when I read through a million times to make sure everything looks alright, and then I read it again once I post, and I find a bunch of mistakes...ugg. This was for the random inspiration challenge... I had a doughnut....Thank you again!

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