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Review:wicKeDwitch1316 says:
I think the idea behind this was very cute and thought out. There were multiple grammatical mistakes that sort of took away from the story, though. I would suggest maybe getting a beta to read over the chapter to smooth out any weird bits. I really loved Ron and Hermione's connection: it was adorable. However, I would caution you on being a little too cheesy (ex: their telepathic connection). There's a line between cute and outrageous, so just be careful to stay on the right side of it. I know it's tempting to make them have the perfect relationship, but real relationships aren't that flawless. Readers will connect better to your characters if you can keep them realistic.

The humor between the vicar, Harry and Ron certainly lightened the mood, but I wonder if it was slightly misplaced. Perhaps it would have been better before the dramatic aisle-walking or after the wedding; at the moment I feel that there would be too much "dramaticness" in the air for them to joke around like that. Your creative additions to the wedding ceremony were very interesting to read about, but perhaps you could have added more detail or back drop to them. I was slightly confused since I didn't know about them. I would suggest working on describing things so that readers who are unfamiliar with the inner workings of your mind have a way of understanding why the characters are doing what they are doing.

Overall it was a nice story. Good job!

Author's Response: Thank you for the critique. I will take those suggestions under advisement and work on remedying the flaws.



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