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Review:Midna says:
As a personal preference, I don't particularly care for stories that start out with general pronouns and then the character is revealed later in the chapter. I understand it's a technique used to amp up mystery and keep the reader interested, but I've seen it so much it's beginning to bore me.

I really like the fact that the main plot was a flashback. It's a move I haven't seen much of, but I really liked it. You portrayed it nicely. There were only a few instances where I wasn't one hundred percent sure on who was speaking; I had to reread a few things. But you clarified it nearly always with the next line. I like that you didn't attach a 'said' at the end of every piece of dialogue. It really makes the story more conversational and it flows a lot better. Easter egg.

This was beautifully crafted. You are a very gifted writer. I have one thing to say, though. The s in 'sorry' of the last line should not be capitalized. When I write sometimes I capitalize things that needn't be, so I can understand if you were, may I say, in the moment. While it was a perfect ending to the piece, the beta side of me got angry.

Overall, this was beauteous. Keep up the good work and have fun ^_^


Author's Response: The pronoun thing is something I've been harped on in the past, so I will remember not to use it so much. It is over used, you're right. Drat, it was fun when it wasn't being used by everyone else. :(

Anyhow, thank you very much for the CC on the dialogue. It's nice to not have the "said" on each line, but it can get confusing sometimes - usually I fix that with different ways of speaking, but it didn't turn out so well in this one since the characters spoke more similarly than I'm used to. I'm glad that you liked that aspect - the lack of "saids" - because they take up so much space and mess too much with the narrative flow, in my opinion.

Wow, that last part makes me blush (poor ears going red!), so thank you, thank you, for saying that. It means a lot that you've enjoyed the story that much. ^_^

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