Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Midna says:
While Ron/Hermione is my favorite ship, I don't know if I was completely feelin' this one. I felt that it was a bit dialogue-prominent. Try to incorporate more description to have a nice balance between dialogue and description. It's much more enjoyable and easy to read.

I think this was really cute, but I've seen it done before. It takes a lot of time and thought, and if your story is posted later rather than sooner due to planning, it will be a small price to pay. Your characters came across as a tad immature to me. For example, I couldn't really believe that Ron would be so hung-up about how Harry is so popular and he isn't. It seemed a bit whiny to me. I just think Ron would have brought it up with Hermione a little more tactfully or tastefully.

The emotion wasn't very apparent to me, only because you had a lot of dialogue. It's hard to show emotion with just dialogue. Actually, I don't think it's possible. You had a little bit of emotion, but not enough that made me really feel it. Try to draw it out as long as you can. Adjectives are your friend.

Overall, I thought this was a really cute idea. Keep up the good work and have fun ^_^


Author's Response: Ok as soon as I don't have any more chapters to post on here I will go back and rewrite this one and add some more to it. I'll try to add more description but I don't know how much more I can do to this story. As I said before Ron being jealous of Harry has happened before and I don't think this is not normal for it to happen in my story although I do admit that
I need to add more descriptive deatil and less dialogue. Thank you for the review. I will keep what you said in my mind when I go to rewrite this one =]

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 488
Submit Report: