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Review:mischiefmanaged says:
This was a very interesting story! I loved the diary entries at the beginning of the chapter, and they were really hilarious. I really enjoy well written stories that start out with a diary entry. They really let you to get to know the character.

So after you finished the diary entries, you changed the story to third person. Personally I think that it would have been better if you stayed at first person. Sometimes you can't achieve some writing styles that fit in with the type of story you are writing. I think that first person would be the best for a story like this. Just something to consider.

Your plot is very interesting. I've only seen one other story concerning an OC making a bet that they will fall in love with Remus Lupin, but your story is the best when compared with the other one.

I found some spelling errors in this chapter. Things like bitting (bitting), competative (competitive), nighty (nightie), fliping (flipping), languriously (languorously), excitment (excitement)... well yes, you get my point. Remember to use a spell check or reread your chapter before you submit it to the validation queue.

Also, instead of using all those dashes to separate your story, consider using the horizontal rule. Here is the page that explains the usage of the horizontal rule:

http://www.harrypotterfanfiction.com/getinfo.php?page=simpleformatting

This could use a little work, but still it is a very good story! Good job.

Author's Response: Thank you! Yeah, I do think someone else has mentioned that switch from 1st person to 3rd person to me. Great ConCrit though, and thanks for the link for the horizontal rule. I'll be sure to use it once this has been edited :)
Thanks again! Glad you enjoyed it.


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