Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Elf_ears13 says:
I think this is a great start for whatever you turn it into, as it's charged with emotion and great descriptions. All of the canon characters seem spot-on, especially Neville's gran - but I think his voice came out in this, too, and it was almost as strong as hers.

Now. With a hearty wink, he strode off in his light lue bathrobe (lue = blue); and the fact that she was following around the head hearler of Ward 49 (hearler = healer).

Awkward: By the third week most students became one of three options: they were sacked for poor performance; realised they were no longer in a classroom and the patients they were treating were actual people and not just words printed in text books, causing them to break down emotionally and quit; or buckled down and became a rock amongst the chaotic hospital scene. This one's got quite a good idea behind it, but the structure seems awkward; maybe if you started with 'they' on each part it'd make more sense ... 'they were sacked,' 'they realized,' 'or they buckled down' ...

Unclear: He had already thrown away two others just like it today. (It took me a few readings to get that Neville had thrown away two other autographs, as I was thoroughly confused as to who you meant); The young aid was quickly chided by the severe looking nurse she was assisting, causing her to look away embarassed, her previously flushed cheeks now steadily growing more red by the second. (Same ... I just didn't know who you were referring to, especially with the addition of the nurse. Also, embarrassed is spelled wrong).

Don't take this wrong, because as I've said, I really enjoyed the characterization and description. The vulture hat was the needed humor to the situation, since I don't think Lockhart's really qualifies as something to find funny. It was a really great cynical view from Neville that I wouldn't really expect, but still sounds natural coming from him. I love that Neville's so familiar with everyone around the ward, but that begs the question: how often does he visit?

Author's Response: No, no wrong way taking here! I love honesty more than anything. Wonderful, lovely review! I know this story's not up to par yet, so I really appreciate your suggestions. They've helped me a lot. I'm going to have to go back and do a bit of editing ;) Thanks!

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 152
Submit Report: