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Review:Jericho says:
"His features looked tired and care worn. He was a rather plain looking man with hazel eyes and brown hair. His wife on the other hand, was not plain looking with her blonde hair and playful blue eyes. She was not beautiful either, though." There's just something a little awkward about how this was worded. I think you would have faired better putting 'His features looked tired and care worn' after the second sentence, as opposed to before it.

The thing with writing an OC/OC piece is that you really need to fill us in on background information and your characters need to be really well developed, because we don't have any previous knowledge of who they are, or what their personalities are like. It is your first chapter though, so I'm sure the characters become more well rounded as the story progresses.

Another thing, the part where Heidi sticks her head into her husband's study confused me a little bit. I'm not quite sure why, but I just thought I'd mention that.

All in all, though, pretty decent start. And very brave of you to write an OC/OC. In my opinion, those are the hardest.

Author's Response:
I agree with you on the wording. I'll fix that as soon as possible.

I was thinking on filling out their background information as the story goes, that way we kind of find out who they are as things happen. I hope that they become more rounded as I go.

I'm sorry to have confused you with that. I'll have to incorporate it back into the story so that perhaps it will be better understood.

Thanks for the review.


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