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Review:goddessofsnark says:
I like the idea behind it. There's a great start to it, my same complaint from your George fic still stands, and that's the issue of flow, something that will resolve itself with practice. But it's always worth the concious effort to realize that the sentences tend to be blunt and a bit jarring, and in some parts a bit repetative. A tip that helped me is try reading your story out loud, and change it until it sounds good. (Best do this when you have the house to yourself, you get weird looks otherwise.)

But this is a great idea, and I like your approach to this challenge so far, and I would rather enjoy seeing the rest of this, and what happens in it. I like this one rather a lot so far.

Author's Response:
I'll revise it and try to fix some of the flow issues. I think I have the house to myself for a while tomorrow, so I'll also read it aloud to myself.

I'm glad you like it thus far. Perhaps I'll see some more reviews from you in the future.


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