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Review:Jericho says:
Your story is rather short.

There are quite a few spelling mistakes. For example, you forgot to put the 'y' on every for an entire sentence. Except that is, for the last every. I think there was four every's, which is a bit of a problem in itself.

Also ... er, vampire? How did this happen? Was it when she walked down Knockturn Alley? I do not believe there are any vampires just casually walking around down there. As well, I do not believe that there were any vampires ever even mentioned within the entire Harry Potter series. However, I suppose that does not mean that you cannot make them be there.

The only actual suggestion towards the improvement of this story that I have at the present, would be to develop your story a bit more. There doesn't appear to be anything actually going on. At all. For instance, who is Jaclyn Elizabeth Moore? I'm aware that she's a vampire .. but .. what does that have to do with anything?

Just a couple thoughts...




Author's Response:
Thanks. I know it's short, but it was one of those little plot bunnies that wont go away until you write it, you know?
I wrote this back a long time ago, and all my stories are due for updates.
Thanks for the advice.

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