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Review:chd1026 says:
Hey, it's Claire from the forums. Here's your review in return =]
"The air was filled with loud bangs which, for the first time in a long time, were a good thing." I love this line! It nicely sets the mood and quickly informs the reader of the setting. Great job.
"Ron had confessed his feelings to Hermione at the beginning of the last war after the late Albus Dumbledore's death, but the war was over now and life was starting to be the way it should, except for one thing." Woah. Sorry, but this sentence is really confusing. There are just a lot of things going on, and I think you should try to revise it.
"'Typical Harry Sulking when every one's happy.' A familiar voice commented." Just little grammatical things here. There should either be a period between Harry and Sulking, or there should be a comma following Harry and Sulking should not be capitalized. Also, everyone is one word. And finally, the quote should end in a comma, and the A should be lower case. None of these things are very important...just thought I'd point them out!
"...he noticed that she had taken off her high heels and was now walking around barefoot." Nice touch. It makes their whole relationship seem more relaxed...familiar. I really like the image, too.
"The old monster in his chest was on a familiar roller coaster ride." YES! I love it when authors allude to the books! Great work.
"She gently creased his face..." I think you mean caressed.
"'I wouldn't have it any other way.' Harry whispered brushing some stray curls away from her face and pulling her into a much deeper kiss then before, ignoring all the cat calls and wolf whistles." Oh, this is so romantic! Really, very cute.
There are just a few other grammatical and capitalization errors throughout this. I highly suggest reading it aloud when you revise. You sound like a crazy, but it really helps with catching small mistakes!
Overall, I thought that this was an adorable story. You did a very nice job with Ginny...but I sort of wish I'd seen more. At times, this does seem a little rushed, but the cuteness makes up for it!
Great work! 9/10
xxx

Author's Response: Hey chd1026! Thanks for the honest review, I'll definitely work on this soon, for now I'm content at laughing at my own stupidity, but I'll work on this as soon as I get a free moment :)
~Magic


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