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Review:chd1026 says:
"One small hand held a miniature porcelain doll with curly locks of golden-brown hair that cascaded around a face with such an astute aura about it that it looked almost life-like." This sentence is a little long and confusing...perhaps break it up into two?

"..the pony she had been bought..." Just awkward phrasing...maybe say given instead of bought? I don't know..just seemed odd to me.
"...were definitely on the girls’ most-loved list..." It should be girl's.

I love this, "No, the special number one spot was reserved solely for the one person in her life who made it worth living: her daddy." So cute that you said daddy instead of father. Just adds that childish charm. I love it!

This is so well written, "She scuttled down the stairs as fast as her little legs would carry her, her breath ragged as the voices grew louder. The constricting feeling in her throat and the burning feeling at the back of her eyes told her that she did not want to bare witness on the scene below her, but her legs didn’t listen, and kept moving." I didn't scroll down to this review box after that, just copied it and continued...I needed to read what was going happen! Well done!

You say the word 'haughty' quite a lot in the section when her father is leaving (heartbreaking, by the way.) Try using different adjectives there.

"On the floor, she saw the remains of her favourite doll, Lissie: shattered and broken into a thousand tiny pieces. Nothing was left anymore." VERY nice imagery here =]

Overall, I really enjoy this story. Amelie seems like a promising character, and I cannot wait to read on!
Nice work =]


Author's Response: Thanks so much for that amazing review! I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for the cc. I'll be sure to check up on that later!
I'm really glad that you used quotes.. it helps me understand better what people like. I'll try and do more of those things more often. Thanks so much!


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