Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:chd1026 says:
Hey there! Claire from the forums here =]
You asked me to be constructive, so here goes:
"He didn't know how to handle the situation presented to him. 'How did you handle it?' he asked Albus Dumbledore's picture hopelessly."
Perhaps use different phrase besides 'handle it', because the repetition is confusing.
I think that it would be clearer that the Harry/Dumbledore was seperate if you inserted a break.
Hmm in the first paragraph starts off saying "He had just," and then you start the sentance immediately following it the exact same way. I feel like getting a good beta would do you wonders, because it's really just the small details that would make a HUGE difference.
You do make the reader wonder how Harry is connected to this boy...and question the boy's history. Good job with that.
Here's my idea: Perhaps you could start out this chapter with Ronnie. Develop the character a little more, and DESCRIBE him coming home from school, DESCRIBE his house, his parents and his room.
After he gets the letter, then put the scene with Dumbledore. It will add even more suspense to the chapter, becuase that scene will be fresh in their minds and they will be more curious to find out what happened.

I'm sorry this is so harsh, but you asked for me to say what I thought.
But as you said, your editing this, so I look forward to reading chapter two!
xxx

Author's Response: not harsh, what i wanted, thanks

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 329
Submit Report: