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Review:nidhogg says:

Firstly, your grammar and punctuation was reasonable, though it does need a bit of work. As far as the rest of the story goes, though, I'm not so sure.

First of all, Hogwarts is a SCHOOL. As such, it has a UNIFORM (yes, I saw that you mentioned that in this chapter): black robes. This doesn't include black hoodies, attractive as they may be.

Secondly, what makes you think that either Blaise or Harry (good work for recognising that Blaise was a guy, by the way; I've seen one too many female!Blaises) would be listening to Muggle music? Harry isn't likely to have a radio, judging by the way the Dursleys treat him, and a Slytherin isn't likely to want any association whatsoever with Muggles.

The last of the major breaks in canon is Draco. You seem to have completely misjudged his character: he would never pick a fistfight with Harry. First of all, wizards have these things called wands. They tend to be a much more pain-free way of harming an enemy. Also, Draco's thin with a 'pale, pointed face', and JKR always described him as being cowardly and unwilling to make any jibes without Crabbe and Goyle to back him up; and, at any rate, he's far to aristocratic to want to get his hands dirty in a punch-up.

Work on your writing a little and your knowledge of the canon (mebbe read the books a few more times) and I'm sure you'll develop into a really good writer. Oh, and you might want to go easy on the TEH TWAGIC EMOOONESS!!eleventyone!, too. Though I have no problem with emos or angst.

5/10

Author's Response: 1) Boarding schools only require you to wear uniform during lesson hours. In your free time you can wear your own clothes.

2) Draco Malfoy in 7th year 10 canon = been through abit of a traumatic time. He's changed. The other Slytherins won't stand up for him anymore, so he has to do it himself.

3) Summer holidays. I've made my Blaise a half-blood (some Slytherins are half-blood), and therefore will have used a muggle radio. Harry has his holidays with the Dursleys, and I imagine he will have heard at least some music in that time.

4) Combined, I've read the books 50 times. Think I should read them some more? I never said this was a completely canon fic! If you want to read them, look for them instead of reading any old fic.


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