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Review:LaDorki says:
What an intense opening scene! A bit of concrit: in Harry's dialogue, he says, "I told you guys to stay back," but when has Harry ever called people "guys"? I don't know, maybe it's a small detail, but as I said in my post, I'm very picky about Harry. =) The other bit I got iffy about was after characters had been Stupefied -- you can't just wake up from that, you have to be Enervated, yes? Here you had the characters waking on their own. A couple little grammar issues as well, but nothing overwhelming. Just some small details.

Otherwise, though, this was a great opener. It was fast, intense, and detailed, keeping the reader involved and curious. Really good action scene. I'm VERY excited to see what happens to poor Harry! Oh, you are a cruel writer to end the chapter there. =P I kid. Good work.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for coming to review! And thanks for the critique. I never picked up on Harry saying 'guys' and you're quite right, he never says that. Maybe I could just cut the word 'guys' out of that sentence... Maybe "I told you two to stay back..?" Something. I need to edit this first chapter, anyway.

Ah Stupefied and Enervate. Spose they were Enervated without our being told..? As I said, I need to edit this first chapter, and I appreciate you pointing out these things. I'm actually quite picky myself. And as for grammar - well sometimes I break the rules on purpose. Most times, I try not to break the rules, but I know I need to go back and fix a lot of my dialogue and stuff...

Thanks for your kind words and the critique. It's always good to have both!


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