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Review:dim at best says:
Hey there! In the other information in your banner request you told me to check out your story to get a better grasp of it, and so, here I am :)

This was a nice introduction to the story, you didn't fall into the trap some writers fall into when introducing OCs - a large paragraph talking about the character's appearance and generally giving their life biography. Kudos on Gemma's character - she seems very much the daughter of a Marauder.

I have a few suggestions for you constructively, though. Feel free to disregard them, a they're my personal opinion, but you might find them helpful. Try not to over-use words; the constant repitition of 'bits' for example gets a bit tired, and lacks its humourous lustre after a while. Also, watch your formatting. Dialogue should start on a new line every time person speaking switches. You did a great job of this early in the chapter, but started stopping as the chapter progressed (for a specific example, the last paragraph in which an entire conversation between Remus and Gemma occurs, without a single new line). Editing the format will make the chapter much easier to read, and give the story a less rushed appearance. One final thing is to watch capitalization - many of the names within the chapter weren't capitalized.

All of the thngs I mentioned in the previous paragraph could be fixed by getting a beta to check over your work. I suggest going onto the HPFF forums and trying your luck requesting the assistance of a beta. They really are life-savers. I wouldn't know what to do without the help of mine.

Overall, it was a good start. You established the AU setting quite nicely, although you should probably add an Author's Note telling us what happened to Voldemort/Peter Pettigrew/Dumbledore/Hogwarts, etc - it would clear things up considerably. The originality of your idea of a sex-changing potion was refreshing and funny, there's a lot of potential in this story.

I'll get to work on your banner now. :)

- Terri

Author's Response: thankyou very much for the feedback, I'll try and find a beta soon. by the way, thankyou for the banner, its really good

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