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Review:Gandelf The White says:
Im going to try and be as polite as possible but here goes. Basically i think your story writing skills need alot of improvement. You need to focus much more on what you're characters are thinkin and feeling, both in general and during their conversation. For example in the section in which you wrote about petunia revealing the truth to Harry you shud stop for a moment and breifly describe Harry's emotional reaction to the news. For example PETUNIA: " turned out that i was a squib...blah blah blah". HARRY'S REACTION: Harry stared open-mouthed at his aunt, not daring to believe what she had just told him. It just didn't make sense to him, how could she have kept this information from him for all this time? Describing what is going on within your characters heads makes for a much more interesting read. Also be sure that your characters stay IN characters. you should watch what they say and more importantly HOW they say it. My final critism would be that this chapter was way too rushed. You went from harry hearing a noise to him finding out his aunt went to hogwarts, and then going back to his room all in the space of about 2 paragraphs. far too rushed. By adding more description you should be fine though. work on these things for the next chapter and you may get more reviews

Author's Response: i figured this story was too rushed, and I knew i strayed from what the characters are actually like. and your right, i do need to improve. i need to think about what i am trying to get across to readers before i write it down. you should have seen the way it was in my notebook! and i don't take any of this as critisism. i take it as advice. thanks alot. would you like to beta my story?

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