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Review:0oApareciumo0 says:
As before, please, please, take more care over your writing and grammar, a storyline like this deserves more! Try and make them longer, and remember, this is a story, not a text or IM, so please don't use text language!! Enough of the negatives, your story is going along nicely and has a lot more to come I hope! Keep on writing!

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